The One Thing You Can Count On in Dealing with Women

Just like you, I’ve spent years trying to understand women. I say “understand,” though that’s not quite the right word. I mean decode them. Predict them. Anticipate their movements like a sailor watching the wind—learning to read the water before it shifts. Hoping to live an easier and better life with them. To make a better success of relationships. 

Maybe you’ve tried too. Maybe you’ve read the books, taken the courses, listened to the podcast buffoons who smile too much and talk too loud. The ones who say: Be the alpha. Be the oak tree. Be the storm.

Here’s the truth: You can do all of that... and it has nothing to do with whether she leaves. 

She might love you for years, then one day stop returning your texts.

She might say you were her soulmate, and then lie in bed with a man who can't even feed her breakfast in the morning. Or who simps for her, needs to be taken to rehab, has no money, and asks her to peg him.

It won’t always make sense.

The “alpha” men sell the idea that if you’re dominant enough, strategic enough, detached enough, responsible enough, you can protect your heart. You’ll be too strong to lose!

Bullshit. Look around.

Was Tiger Woods not alpha enough? Jeff Bezos? Brad Pitt? Tom Brady? Make your own list of others; the world is stuffed full of such rich, powerful, athletic, etc., etc., "alpha" men who have also lost love. 

You can have power, money, looks, even charm—and you still can’t guarantee love will last. It has literally nothing to do with it. You can also see total "betas" (in that stupid false dichotomy) of mild-mannered "boring" men, who have wives or lovers who follow them through hell, with love and passion and support every day, until the very end. (Or whose wives leave.) 

Here's why: a woman's love isn’t something any man controls. It’s not a prize you win for being a "high-value" man. A woman's love is a gift from her. And sometimes, it’s a temporary one.

But that doesn’t mean you stop loving, or stop accepting love. It doesn’t mean you give up on closeness. It means you love like a mature man—fully, generously, but not blindly.

Because here’s the only thing you can count on:

You can be responsible only for your own peace. Your own direction. Your own happiness.

That’s not a consolation prize. That’s the only game in town.

Loving a woman—whether for a night or for a decade—is one of life’s deep pleasures. It can bring out the best in you. It can steady you. It can burn you alive and leave you reborn. But it can’t be your foundation. It can’t be where your center of gravity lives.

Because even if she stays… life doesn’t. Sickness comes. Age comes. Bad luck. And eventually, death either slow or sudden.

The only constant is this: How you respond to it all.

That’s your one sure thing.

So stop trying to “understand women” as if doing so will protect you from grief. Grief is part of it. It’s the cost of being alive and awake and open.

Enjoy women. Enjoy loving one. Give your heart if it feels right. Just don’t forget where your anchor is.

The alpha myth of controlling a woman's love is just that—a myth.  But the man who can control himself, and keep walking forward until pain fades and he's in a season of joy again?

That man doesn’t need a myth. He has reality. He knows how to use whatever wind blows, and how to sail out of any weather. 

Be him. Contact with reality is the only real cure for grief, or loneliness, or any suffering.