Feeling Overwhelmed After a Breakup? Here’s How to Handle the Chaos with Strength and Sanity

Breakups hurt.

And not just emotionally—though that pain can be unbearable some days. They also dump a mountain of logistical hell into your lap. You might have to move out, cancel joint accounts, renegotiate leases, make tough decisions about shared pets, cars, or worse. And chances are, you’re doing most of it alone.

It’s one of the crueler parts of heartbreak: deep emotional pain plus a to-do list that feels like it was written by the gods to test your endurance.

But you don’t have to crumble under it.

Let’s talk about how to face this overwhelm like a grounded, rational man—even when you feel like you’re breaking apart.

First, Anchor Yourself in This Stoic Truth

You control what you do. You do not control what others do.

This is your anchor. Let it hold by not trying to control others (it’s not possible) and by expecting them to sometimes (or often)  let you down.

You can’t control your ex, the bank, the landlord, the HR person, or the mutual friends who suddenly don’t know how to act. But you can control how you show up today.

That means: don’t get tangled in the whole mess. Zoom in.

Ask yourself:
“What are the three most urgent things I could get done in the next 18 waking hours?”

Not everything. Just three.

Maybe it’s:

• Canceling a joint utility account
  
• Booking a moving truck
  
• Emailing HR about changing your emergency contact
• Etc.

Write those down. On paper.
Yes, use your apps too if you want. But a small pocket notebook can become something surprisingly powerful—a physical talisman. Your top priorities will never be lost in the digital slop. You can hold a pocket notebook, flip it, cross things off. It’s grounding. 

Then Ask: How Can I Enjoy This, Even Just a Little?

This is another Stoic principle, echoed by thinkers from Epictetus to Viktor Frankl:

*You didn’t choose this event. But your human nature as a rational being allows you to choose, to some significant degree, your attitude toward it.

So—ask yourself, genuinely:
“How can I enjoy doing these three things, even a little?”

This isn’t toxic positivity. It’s a reframing tool.

Enjoyment might come from:

• The feeling of taking action (momentum = dignity)
  
• Playing AC/DC (or whatever music that serves you) while doing the boring stuff
  
• Doing it at your favorite coffee shop with a pastry in hand
  
• Telling yourself this truth: “Each thing I do moves me one step closer to being free and rebuilt”
  
  

If you sincerely ask yourself how to enjoy something, your mind will offer a great answer. Try it. You’ll see.

Don’t Be Afraid to Call a Friend

You may feel alone. You may actually be alone right now.

But even if it's been a while, there are probably a few people in your life who'd show up if you just asked. Let them. Let them help you move a couch or fill out forms or just sit and eat with you while you plan your next steps.

You don’t need to go through the breakup alone and do every last task in isolation. Call your brother. Call your buddy. Call the guy you used to hike with.

Even if they can’t help immediately, just hearing a real voice helps you remember you’re still connected and not totally isolated.

You’ve Got This—Even If You Don’t Feel Like It: Next Steps

You’re in a storm. But the fact that you’re even reading this means something important:
You’re still pushing forward and up and out.

So here are your next steps again:

• Anchor yourself in what you can control.
  
• Choose just three urgent tasks.
  
• Write them down—on real paper.
  
• Ask yourself how to enjoy doing them, even a little.
  
• And don’t isolate—text someone, even just to say: “Hey, I’m moving through this. Wanna grab a coffee later?”
  
  

And I promise—one clean task at a time, one grounded decision at a time—you’ll come out stronger than you were before.

I’ve been through this hell—twice. And I know firsthand: it’s far more stressful, far more excruciating for a man than most people realize—or are willing to admit when it’s you, not them, suffering the pain. The silence around male pain can feel brutal. That’s partly because some people just don’t know how to act, don’t know what to say. But you’re not invisible here. I see you. I’m here for you.